I asked you because, being for a while a visitor of your blogs and coming across with some of your thoughts it just felt ok to ask. You seem open minded to me and interested in people and feelings (it’s just the vibes that I personally get yes I know vibes from a blog how can you get vibes from a blog you might ask but a person is running a blog so I guess as a visitor I get an idea) but yes. Not a particular reason for the issue of melancholia, I would turn to your inbox about any other questioning coming to my mind. And that’s why i asked you if it was uncomfortable, you are not obliged to answer any stranger’s thoughts and sometimes politeness might not allow us to say it so I asked in advance.
And after that petite introduction, as to the form of what has been troubling me over these years. You are right; it could be wrong, it could be right, it could be nihilism, realism it could be something else, I can never know. The things is what you say and what I’ve been also telling myself: to concentrate not on naming it but on rejecting it if it doesn’t feel like fitting in my mind. Realism or not, nihilism or not, melancholia or not, I feel that we people are the ones that decide in the end, I strongly believe this. You asked me to explain the consumption part.. Well I feel that if something like melancholia is what I emit as a person, then something is wrong. Is it a bad habit, is it fatigue not yet resolved? Other issues that have peacefully stayed on my appearance? I do not want to reconcile with such a characteristic that looks and feels like melancholia. As I said, I view it very differently when it doesn’t have to do with me. It’s just that I feel like being someone else, someone that has nothing to do with a melancholic person and futhermore, I try to break free from negativity because I feel that it just narrows my everything.
Also one of the reasons I decided to ask you it’s because I have the impression that we have some similar thoughts. Like now that you said I could turn to someone whose opinion I trust or the way you commented parts of the text I submitted. I was about to thank you but you said there’s no need for thanking you but thank you!
Hmm, what really bothers me is what I falsely stated before and you agreed “concentrate on rejecting it instead of naming it”. Maybe that’s obscene. How do you defeate an enemy if you don’t know their name or where they come from. I just feel like what you’re describing could be something beyond melancholia. If it truly is some quality others say you bring out, maybe it’s a piece of you, a characteristic defining you which isn’t malignant to begin with.
What I’m trying to say is, if you shed out all the negativity in your mind (which is advised) and form yourself as a person you’re satisfied with, what others will think of you doesn’t matter. What if the essence you give off is melancholic, maybe they are the ones who are mistaken, the people trying to put you into words.
Don’t get me wrong you obviously know better. But you don’t strike me as the continuously melancholic type. Maybe at first you’re restrained when meeting new people, maybe it’s an introvert thing. I mean, I don’t know if you can see it in your message but in my head you are a fast talking, intelligent human being. And you’ve put so much effort in trying to realise what melancholia is, how people perceive it and if it affects you. As you said melancholia is kind of tiresome. You don’t seem tired. Through your messages you seem controled yet frantic -in a good sense. There is energy in you and if I can feel it through your messages I don’t see how it simply goes dormant when you’re with people.
I respect that you want to remain anonymous, but I have one question for you that I really want answered. How old are you?
είναι πρωί πια, ο,τι υπήρχε μεταξύ μας χάθηκε το ξέρω
It was June of 07’ , somewhere around 6am and my parents along with a family friend escorted me to the airport. I was going to study abroad for two weeks on my own. When we reached the point before the duty free shops, where I would have to go on without them, they said their farewells to me and then I took off. I was 13.
That was the single most freeing moment of my life. I walked the distance to the waiting area, I got on the plane and my smile was as wide as my muscles would allow. I had my face glued to the window the whole time.
Those two weeks are partially the reason I am who I am today. Not because of new friends, a teen love story or because of the UK but because I was on my own for two weeks. I woke up every morning, went to classes and then I was out in Cambridge all by myself. Walking in the parks, checking out shops, talking to people, enjoying the rain.
I’ve never felt better in the entirety of my life.